God Loves Me the Same

Author: Lulu (Written by: Esther Fisher & Jiming Lindal)

A believer for many years, a joyful homemaker and mother of three lovely children

My husband and I came to faith while we studied in the university, and after graduation, we moved overseas to pursue our careers. Thank God for His guidance—we found a local church. It was a small congregation where everyone was very close, supporting one another in the Lord like a family.

The church evangelist was a sister in Christ, and I had a very close relationship with her. We joyfully served together in church and supported each other in daily life. My eldest daughter and her daughter grew up together and were best friends. They celebrated every birthday together. The evangelist even said she could take my daughter along when her family went on vacation. Our two families were almost inseparable. I never expected such a good relationship to eventually turn cold.

In October 2020, I was planning my daughter’s birthday party and, as usual, invited the evangelist’s entire family. Unexpectedly, none of them came. When I asked her why, she gave only a vague excuse. After that, whenever I shared in small group meetings, she would immediately change the topic. I felt a growing distance between us and couldn’t figure out why. What followed was a painful emotional journey.

Despite the rift, the evangelist and I still had to serve together. Over time, our ministry began to feel like a mere routine, without the heartfelt joy it once held. In daily interactions, she would subtly jab at me. Even though I treaded carefully, I was often misunderstood. I couldn’t explain myself and felt wronged and isolated. What hurt me the most was during a Bible study when we had a disagreement, and she suddenly asked, “Would God choose Moses or the people?” In that moment, I felt she saw herself as Moses, and I was just one of the people. I thought, would God not choose me? Does He love Moses more? I felt discouraged, began to doubt God’s love, and my faith started to waver. I even felt abandoned by God—as if He was her God, but not mine. I struggled in pain, wondering if God no longer cared for me.

I cried and prayed about it. The next day, my two children were arguing while playing. My son came to me crying, asking, “Mommy, why didn’t you buy me an iPad? You love sister more than me.” I had recently bought an iPad for my daughter due to her school needs, but not for my son. I held him close and softly said, “You have your big toy truck, and your sister doesn’t. I bought the iPad for your sister because she needed it for school. It’s just not your time yet. When you need it, I’ll buy it for you too. Mommy loves both of you the same.” My son wiped away his tears, nodded, and smiled happily.

In that moment, the Holy Spirit enlightened me. I suddenly understood—doesn’t God love us just like we love our children? He loves each of us equally, and we are all precious in His eyes. If He hasn’t given us something, it’s just because the time hasn’t come. I realized that whether Moses or the people, God chooses those who follow Him. God is my God too—just as He is Moses’. I finally understood: God loves me just as much as He loves Moses.

Over time, I gradually emerged from the rift with this sister. I had mistakenly equated distancing myself from her with distancing myself from God, confusing our relationship with my relationship with God. During that period, I prayed daily for our relationship and looked to the Lord more, which deepened my walk with Him. I’m grateful that the Lord helped me see that our service should not be based on personal feelings, but on focusing on Jesus. Now, my relationship with the evangelist has improved—from avoiding her to being able to face her, to chatting with her without awkwardness. Although our families are not as close as before, we still visit when needed.

I am grateful that through my interaction with my children, the Lord spoke to me and completely untied the knot in my heart. He helped me truly understand the verse, “For God does not show favoritism” (Romans 2:11). He loves each of us the same. What was once head knowledge became a deeply rooted conviction. I came out of the pain and disappointment, and now the Lord’s love is deeply engraved in my heart.