Author: Meiring Huang
Introduction: I was born in China right before World War II and accepted Christ when I was 14 years old. I came to the US for college and met my husband here. We have been married for 55 years.
I believe God's heart for me is to 1) know Him deeper, 2) love Him more, and 3) draw closer to Him. That is, to connect to Him as His daughter, to live with Him now and in eternity, to talk to Him and listen to Him, to adore Him, honor Him, and follow Him.
He is faithful to help me accomplish His purpose throughout my life and is still working in me until I die.
I was born in China right before World War II ended. My parents went through the war, and my father was sent to Japan as a diplomat. I was two years old. We lived in Japan as a privileged class, and life was comfortable. My father was a kind and generous man who helped many of his relatives and friends. Being respected and looking right and good was our value in life.
My parents felt that all their children should go to America, not stay in Japan. My older brother and sister came to the U.S. first. When my mother took my younger sister to the U.S., her friend invited her to join a Christian fellowship. After returning to Japan, my mother went to church and accepted Jesus. Eventually, our whole family came to the Lord.
When I was fourteen, I attended a church retreat, raised my hand to accept Christ, and was soon baptized. I felt that was the right thing and a good thing to do. I wanted to be a good girl. I went to church, sang in a choir, taught Sunday School, joined Bible Club, etc.
After I came to the U.S. for college, I met my husband, and right after college, I married him. He loves the Lord, and we both served in the church.
MY STRUGGLE AND CHANGE
I gave all my energy to build our home for my husband and child. I wanted to be the best wife and mother. Of course, I was not. I complained when things did not go the way I wanted. Spending time with God meant I had to read the Bible daily, and as a Christian, I ought to do my daily devotion. My life was based on obligation and doing the right and good things.
Then I attended a spiritual formation retreat, and the teacher in the retreat asked me to write my life history: how God loved and guided me. Somehow the Holy Spirit impressed on me that loving God is not doing things for Him but loving Him, enjoying Him, talking to Him, hearing from Him through the Bible, and appreciating Him. Being a Christian is not a burden but a joy, not a performance but a relationship. My goal in life is to love Him because He first loved me.
Looking good and right used to be important to me. In fact, I wanted to be honored and have a good "Face." God has changed me slowly and so gently that he only changes me when I am ready.
My life was relatively smooth; I suffered hardly anything. I took for granted that God should be good to me, and I served Him by my own strength. I was in control, and I was better than average.
Until something sad and unexpected happened to our family.
In 2011, my son, who loved the Lord, felt called by God to live out his faith in a country where there are very few Christians. As a water engineer, he had the opportunity to do so by moving his family, including his three adopted African children, to Qatar, where his company provided engineering services associated with the 2022 soccer World Cup.
In January 2013, however, Gloria, their middle child, suddenly died in Qatar for unknown reasons. The Qatar government did not understand why a Chinese couple would adopt black children and assumed they were mistreated or enslaved. As a result, my son and daughter-in-law were arrested, charged with murder, and faced the possibility of the death penalty.
This experience made me realize that I am not in control and that I am only good because of Christ living in me. Without Christ, I am nothing before God. I had taken God's grace and goodness for granted. It took nearly two years of hard work, expense, and prayers from many saints around the world before an appellate judge acquitted them, and they were able to return to the States. My son and daughter-in-law's trauma during this time drastically affected their lives, ultimately leading to their divorce.
May God continue to help me put my pride aside until Christ is my only honor.
I am now free to fail and laugh about my mistakes and faults. It is O.K. to make a fool of myself, which is the freedom Christ has given me. My heart is more of praise and thanksgiving to God.
I also struggle to trust God for my future.
I like to plan and be in control of situations, wanting things to turn out the way I like. I become anxious when I see the situation is not what I like or is unknown, especially in the future. I wish for a good outcome for the future of my family. Now God has shown me that I cannot control my future. With wisdom, I can plan, but the outcome is up to the Lord.
One thing I now know is that God is in charge. He is a loving Heavenly Father who gives the best to His children, and He will accomplish His purpose in my life. "He is my Rock and my Salvation, whom shall I fear."
I do not know the future of my child or grandchildren. I love them and give the result to God. The society around them has a lot of influence on them. How can they live in God's way?
God is trustworthy. He will accomplish what He purposes to do: to have His kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. He wants me to love Him and follow Him. He gives peace and joy in difficult times. In every life challenge, He will carry me through.