Live Out Love

Original in Chinese, translated into English by Google Translate, Edited by Gary Porpora and Jiming Sun Lindal

#paralyzed #marriage #love #faith

Author: Lü Ying

"If I Could Stand Up and Kiss You," author's WeChat public account

Reprinted from the Genesis Writing Ministry WeChat public account "Could We Love Like This?"

Suffering from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) since childhood, 95% of my bones and muscles have atrophied and become deformed. Would anyone in this world be willing to marry a woman who is paralyzed and bedridden?

The Lü Ying couple has shared their sustaining love and support over the past 20 years.

When the weather is nice, the sun shines brightly outside, and the temperature is very comfortable, my husband often pushes me downstairs to bask in the sun after lunch. One day, as he bent down to lift me from the bed, I noticed up close that he had grown more gray hairs at his temples. I exclaimed, "You have more gray hairs now!" My husband remained calm and said softly, "What's wrong with men getting gray hair? There's nothing to be alarmed about."

My husband was born in 1977 and is only just 48 years old now, but he has had gray hair for several years. Although none of us can stop the erosion of time in life, and aging is inevitable, I still think that my husband having gray hair so early is related to his hard work taking care of me every day.

My husband and I met in 2002. Our acquaintance stemmed from an article I published in Liaoning Youth, a bestselling magazine in northern China. Why would someone from the South choose to submit an article to a northern magazine? There were two reasons: First, I grew up in the north and loved reading this magazine since childhood, subscribing to it every year. Through this magazine, I learned about the outside world. Second, I didn't want the people around me to see my article; practically no one in the South reads northern magazines.

The article I wrote was titled "Searching for the Support of Love in Life".

That year, I had just turned 30, an age when I should have been full of vigor and ambition, with my career and family life beginning to take shape. But in reality, I was a disabled person who couldn't even take care of the most basic aspects of life. Every day, my parents had to take care of my eating, drinking, and toileting. At that time, what I least wanted to hear and see was my mother's sighs and my father's worried face. Their bodies were getting weaker day by day, and taking care of me was becoming increasingly difficult for them.

When I was young and needed to go to the toilet, my father could carry me by himself. Later, it gradually took both my parents to lift me into the bathroom. My mother's most frequent question then was, "When will this end?" That's the most heartbreaking thing she ever said. It still pierces my heart every now and then; the pain is unbearable, unsolvable. How I long for a healthy body, a stable job, a happy family, and children, so my parents can enjoy their later years and the joys of family life.

Despite this, I've never resented my parents, nor have I ever blamed fate. I only wanted to change my life's difficulties through my own efforts (complaining not only won't bring change, but will only make me more and more depressed). So, I thought of "seeking a spouse." When those two words first appeared in my mind, they startled me. I felt I was being too audacious, too delusional. Where in this world would any man really be willing to marry a woman like me, who was like a baby and couldn’t be separated from him hardly at all? Would anyone really be willing to grow old with me? But I told myself: How will I know if I don't try?

So, the article came to be. After it was published, I did receive many letters. Although I exchanged letters with a few people, we quickly lost contact for various reasons. Until one day, I received a letter from "Lin" in Wuxi (Wuxi is only a few dozen kilometers away from my city). Lin said that although he was from the South, he also liked to read "Liaoning Youth" because he had served in the army in Dalian for three years and therefore also liked Northeast China very much.

In the beginning, Lin would write me a letter every week. Each time I read his letters, I felt a sense of pleasure because his handwriting was neat and his sentences flowed smoothly. After corresponding for six months, we met for the first time. We arranged to meet at the entrance of a shopping mall near my home. Because I was keeping it a secret from my family, I asked a good friend to come and push me to the meeting after work. I told my family that my friend was treating me to lunch.

When I arrived, I easily spotted Lin sitting on the steps at the mall entrance. He was very thin, wearing a worn-out military uniform from his discharge from the army, though his shoes were spotless (I later learned he had bought them specifically for this meeting). My friend then led me into the food court upstairs. Lin remained silent as my friend bought tickets and ordered food. He didn't offer to pay or help with the dishes. For the next half hour or so (my friend was rushing to work), he didn't say a word. Although I tried to speak to him briefly, he answered with his head down. Later, he told me he was incredibly nervous and naturally didn't dare speak or look at me.

My first meeting didn't spark any feelings in me, and he didn't seem interested in me at first sight either, but we continued corresponding. Perhaps we had both lost the passion of youth and were simply looking for warmth and support from each other. Later, I saw an advertisement in the newspaper for a property management company hiring security guards, so I asked him if he would be willing to come and work in my city. Soon after, he quit his job at a plastics factory in Wuxi, where he worked 12-hour shifts, and came to my city to work as a community security guard. This gave us more opportunities to meet.

He was indeed an introverted, taciturn person, and extremely socially anxious. However, I remember that year on Qixi Festival (Chinese Valentine's Day), he bought three red roses (unwrapped) and came to my house. Although he didn't say anything at the time, I felt a little flutter in my heart, and my feelings for him gradually increased. However, my mother always treated him coldly and never even said a word to him. My mother always felt that Lin had some ulterior motive; she believed there was no way anyone in this world would want to marry a girl who was paralyzed in bed unless they had other plans or were just temporarily infatuated.

My mother knew that opposing my reckless behavior was useless, because I am stubborn and will definitely stick to what I want to do. However, every time Lin came to see me or pushed me to go out, my mother's disgusted expression not only embarrassed him but also made me very uncomfortable.

Finally, a year after we met, I made another bold decision: Get married. I knew my mother wouldn't arrange a wedding or prepare a dowry for me like she did for my second sister; I would have to rely on myself for everything. So, we found a place ourselves. Lin used his savings from working as a security guard to pay six months' rent, leaving us with about 500 yuan. We spent another 250 yuan to have a bed custom-made and bought some basic household items. And that's how we started our life together.

During that time, we were very happy. In the spring, Lin would take me to see the peach blossoms, and to save money, he would always walk. Sometimes we would bring some snacks and a bottle of water, and eat something whenever we got hungry on the way. Although life was hard, we were content. But gradually, the hardships of our lives became increasingly apparent. Lin continued working as a security guard, and through communication with his supervisor, he was allowed to go home once during his 8-hour shift. At that time, his only means of transportation was a bicycle, and each round trip took about 25 minutes. He had to come back every day during the break to take me to the toilet or heat up some food for me, and then rush back to work.

Finally, after several months, Lin quit his job because I couldn't bear being alone at home for too long. While he was at work, I not only went hungry, but even lay in bed, with no one helping me to turn over my body. What was worse, sometimes when I needed to use the restroom, I had to endure it for hours until he returned. After he quit, we lost our source of income. Later, someone suggested that Lin could work as a pedicab driver to earn money.

Back then, all the pedicabs in our area were licensed, but because business was good, there were many unlicensed ones as well. Lin took out his meager savings and commissioned an unlicensed pedicab. At first, he could earn more than 10 yuan a day and would wait for customers at the market near our home. If I needed to go somewhere, I could call him back anytime. But our good fortune didn't last long. Before Lin could even earn enough money from the pedicab, it was confiscated during a traffic police raid.

The pedicab was our only source of income, and the cost of that vehicle was quite substantial. Later, I encouraged him to take me to the traffic police station. At first, he was hesitant, but then he realized there was no other way and we had to go. Once there, I humbly explained my family's situation to the officers, enduring countless disapproving looks and cold shoulders. Finally, the pedicab was returned.

But driving an unlicensed pedicab wasn't a long-term solution, so he eventually had to give it up. Later, he worked at McDonald's as a closing worker, an evening job, starting around 7 or 8 pm, and did not come home until late at night. He also worked at Metro's cold storage, but he couldn't continue working there, either because his health couldn't handle it or because he couldn't take care of me.

Later, I started learning how to run an online store. From knowing absolutely nothing at the beginning, I went on to find suppliers to dropship my products, then to design my own store and deal with various customers. Gradually, I started earning money, so Lin didn't have to work so hard outside anymore. Two years ago, my Taobao store closed because it couldn't sell gospel supplies anymore, so I started writing on a public WeChat account. Indeed, I hope to use my writing to spread the truth, goodness, and beauty of faith; at the same time, because the articles have a tipping function, I can still earn some income.

We have been together for 20 years now. We have moved four times, and we still live in a low-rent apartment. Although we are not wealthy, we manage to have enough to eat and wear through our own efforts. My mother passed away peacefully in 2019, and she was very satisfied that her son-in-law, Lin, would take excellent care of me.

I have a sensitive stomach and often soil my pants, but Lin never gets impatient. He quietly changes my pants into clean ones and then washes the soiled ones. He's still the same person who never says sweet words, but his actions speak volumes.

Our personalities are very different, but because of our faith in the Lord, we have gradually come to accept and love each other. I am carefree and vigorous, while Lin is meek and rough, but we share the same desire for marriage: to live simply, to be honest and upright, and to live out our faith.